Dating App

A few months had passed since she and Will broke up, and she began to feel… lame. She didn’t go out anymore. She barely left her apartment, if not for work and her evening CrossFit class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and spin on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s, she’d be a hermit living a life of seclusion.

She spent most of her nights watching Friends with a glass or two, or three in hand. When she finished that show, she would mindlessly scroll through Netflix before settling on, you guessed it, Friends, for the third straight time.

She was bored and looking to pass the time between work, then gym, and the general laziness she found during the evening hours at her apartment. She barely had anyone to talk to, and she’d already called her mother more in the past month, than she had in the past year.

As she scrolled through Instagram, she came across a post from one of her “friends” from college. It was her with a guy posing for a picture at some wedding, and the caption, “Thanks for swiping right” with a bee emoji.

“Ew, vom,” she said out loud.

Then quickly realized that “Bumble” was still a thing people were using, by far classier than “Tinder”.

She wrestled with the idea of creating a profile,  and the cons definitely outweighed the pros. Mostly because she didn’t want to seem desperate, nor did she want to see “you know who’s” profile on there, if he even had one.

Reluctantly, she went forward with the building of her profile. She picked the four best photos from her “insta” and put them in the perfect order. And as for her bio, well it couldn’t get anymore basic than, “Buy me pizza and make my laugh.”

“Perfect, let the fun begin,” she thought as she took a sip of win.

“Ugh, gross.” she said aloud. “Why is this a thing? Do guys really expect us to think that a picture of them holding a dead fish/animal makes them more attractive?”

She swiped left as if to say, “not today Satan.”

She continued he relentless left swipe, that is until a strapping young man caught her eye.

“Well, well, what have we here? Drew, 26, works in finance, the right amount of solo pics to group pics. And he has one with his grandma. How presh.”

She swiped right, and was upset that where wasn’t and immediate notification that they matched. Annoyed with the app and herself for stooping so low, yet having high expectations, she exited the app and set her phone down.

She even went as far as to fire out a tweet from an account that she hasn’t used in 2 years, that said, “Dating apps are dumb.” But with every “ping” notification, she quickly jumped to see if she and Drew matched.

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