“You ever feel cursed, Coach? Like, no matter what, inside your heart you feel that you’re gonna lose. Like something’s hanging over you, following you like a witch or a demon that just… I feel like that all the time. Even when things are going good. When we’re winnin’, it’s there. And when we’re losin’, it’s there.” -Mike Winchell
If I’m beginning to sound like to a broken record I apologize, but this season has been nothing short of one. You win one week, then lose the next. It’s almost as if I care the week after I lose, because I should’ve known better to start this player instead of that one. But after I win, I just assume my line-up will be good enough for the next week.
It’s like I’m cursed by the fantasy football gods for my smack talk to begin the season. It all started when I saw T.Y. Hilton was back this week, and replaced Robert Woods for him. DUMB. I then decided to pick up Sterling Shepard, who proceeded to sit on my bench, when we more than doubled the points that Jamison Crowder got me.
THEN, I picked up Ryan Tannehill of the Tennessee Titans who torched Jacksonville for 32.36 points and set the bench. I take steps forward, only to lose momentum because of my own incompetence.
Whatever. I lose again to fellow bottom dweller, My Balls Ertz 135.90-169.74. *eye-roll*
PLAYOFFS!? YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!?
As it stands, Nick Howard and his Adrian Animals hold the #1 seed and home field advantage. Mixon Kush & OJ, the silent killer, is holding steady in the second seed. Dairy Sanders, Adolf Oliver Bush, and Free Schmurda all tied at this third seed for now. It will come down to total points should they all finish with the same amount of wins to end the season.
Imagine the nerves the Adrian Animals feel going from worst to first. Must be like how UCF felt after going winless in 2015 to undefeated in 2016.
Should Our Lady of Misery win out, and Doc Sportello lose. The Misery could take that 6th and final playoff spot and go on a tear. But who am I kidding? That’ll never happen and our chances of doing so are just as good as the Detroit Lions winning the Super Bowl.
If you enjoy these, please check back every Tuesday for a recap of the most miserable fall of my life.